Fossors Inc.

Six miles due north of Thurmond Grocery is a fork in the narrow road that signifies the official location of Devotion, North Carolina.  The Road to Devotion—which sounds like a great blues song—begins near Highway 21, where it resembles most other local thoroughfares.  Four miles down this passage the road departs from traditional tar and gravel, and narrows into a washboard gravel road that ascends into the densely treed countryside.  Most “come-here’s” would notice this dramatic change in the byway and retreat by means of the route that brought them to this impermanent destination.  Being textbook “come-here’s”, we executed a “180” at the nearest single-wide and headed back towards Thurmond Grocery.  It was on our return passage that we encountered a site that stoked our curiosity. 

The opportunity to snap (if that’s the sound digital cameras make) a photo of a cemetery bearing my surname was certainly something that I couldn’t pass up; however, as we walked the grounds, the site became volumes more interesting.

First is the term “Graveyard.”  This designation has long been replaced by less chilling terminology, such as “cemetery” and “memorial gardens.” In some instances the term “cemetery” is replaced by even less death-oriented titles; like “Heaven’s Gates,” “Serene Valley,” and other images of a peaceful afterlife.  The usage of the term “Graveyard” was gruesomely hip.

Another interesting characteristic was that some of the “gravestones” were literally that—stones.  Not the highly polished and artistic memorials that we see in traditional cemeteries; but rather varying sizes of (what appears to be) flagstone driven into the earth.  There are about 100 markers arranged in a very orderly fashion, and although there only been two internments in the last 50-years, the entire plot was meticulously maintained.  The Northwest corner proudly displayed an American flag on a stationary flagpole. 

The most interesting (and confusing) aspect for myself was the term “Incorporated” below the graveyard name.  I’ve seen that term thousands of times—mostly on welcome signs as I’ve passed through remote towns that would barely warrant a dot on a map.  I was completely confused as to why  a private  graveyard would apply for legal incorporation.  To satisfy my curiosity, I turned to my most trusted site for legal advise: Wikipedia.

According to the Wikipedia cyber-Barristers, there are seven legal benefits to filing for incorporation.  Those benefits—as well as a little obligatory kibitz—are outlined below:

1. Protection of personal assets (i.e. safeguarding personal assets against claims of creditors and lawsuits).  Not entirely sure that the condition of any personal assets at this point are of any value.  Additionally, I’m inclined to believe that certain Statute of Limitation laws will provide protection for the residing souls.
2. (Ease of) Transferable ownership.  To maintain this graveyard, there will certainly need to be continuity of upkeep; however, I don’t see a clear connection between ownership and maintenance.  With regards to cemetery ownership as a business, I keep hearing Bill’s (Michael Keaton) quote in the 1982 film Night Shift: “Hey, Chuck (Henry Winkler)...this is what you bought? A cemetery? [Ha! Ha! Ha!] Chuck, you know what? This might not be a bad idea...people gotta die, right? Why can't they just die for us? We just sit back and rake it in.  Chuck and Bill's Cemetery!!! [Bill looks around for a moment] Hey Chuck, this one's full!!!"
3. Retirement funds and qualified retirements plans, such as a 401(k), may be established more easily.  Does not seem applicable until someone figures out how to "take it with 'em."
4. Taxation: In the U.S., corporations are taxed at a lower rate than individuals are; and can own shares and receive tax-free corporate dividends.  Even if there were dividends (and I’m unclear of the source of revenue in this case), I’m inclined to quote The Beatles: “Now my advice for those who die; Declare the pennies on your eyes.  Cos I'm the taxman, yeah, I'm the taxman.”  ‘Nuff said.
5. Raising funds through sale of stock.  Just the thought of buying graveyard stock gives a whole new meaning to “Black Friday.”
6. Durability: A corporation is capable of continuing indefinitely. It’s existence is not affected by the death of shareholders, directors, or officers of the corporation.  Not only is the existence not affected by the death of shareholders, directors, or officers of the corporation…it’s dependent upon it!
7. Credit rating: Regardless of an owner's personal credit scores, a corporation can acquire its own credit rating, and build a separate credit history by applying for and using corporate credit.  “Whoever is generous to the poor lends to the Lord, and he will repay him for his deed” (Proverbs 19:17).  Apparently there is a system of loans and credit in the after-life; but no mention of heavenly favoritism of incorporations.

Of course no story about an incorporated graveyard on a lonesome mountain road in rural North Carolina would be complete without a redbone coonhound reference. 

This fine specimen of Appalachian porch pooch greeted us upon our arrival, and (when I bent down to pet her) made sure she stuck her tongue in my eyes, ears, and mouth.  I never did get a formal name, but after her forward behavior I nicknamed her Bathsheba.  She made her rounds as resident curator, and spent her days living the dream…guarding the boneyard.

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