5150 in 210

5150:  Emotionally disturbed individual (police code)

210: San Antonio Area Code

The "Cajun Crooner" for Ford F-350

Want that edgy look for your dually diesel pick-up exhaust but don't have the $40 for one of those fancy after-market exhaust tips?  Hortense "Ho-Bee" Decoudreau—owner and staff of Kajun Kar Kustoms in Tickfaw, LA—has revolutionized the exhaust tip industry the same way Calloway's "Big Bertha" revolutionized the golf industry.  Made of recycled aluminum, the "Creole Crooner" (pictured above) spices-up any dull exhaust system.  The extra-wide opening allows for even dispersal of by-passed emission systems, while also providing ear-rattling resonance for your straight-pipe modifications.  Removable within seconds using the patented twin handles; toss a license plate or crushed beer can (sold separately) over the hole, and you're ready to whip-up some down-home tail-gate cuisine.  This highly-polished "Bumper Bling" will not only turn heads every time, but it'll keep 'em staring...we Ga-Raun-Tee!

Driving on Lackland between Thursday afternoon and Saturday evening is similar to pushing a shopping cart through a toy store on Christmas Eve--with lots of people in a hurriedly confused state.  The parents—most if who have never been on a military base—are awestruck by the uniformity and "proceduralism" that goes into every aspect of the military community.  The trainees—now reprogramed to always be thinking in terms of uniformity and "proceduralism" (even if it means betraying common sense)—are eager to show their military-naive parents just how worldly they have become in just a few short weeks.  So I found myself driving on the "training-side" on a Friday afternoon, when I see a trainee—with family in tow—approach a crosswalk.  Now my responsibility is to bring my vehicle to a stop, giving the pedestrians adjacent to the crosswalk their legal right-of-way.  The pedestrians "should" wait curbside until they see my vehicle stopping; then proceed across the crosswalk when they have reasonable assurance that I have yielded right-of-way. 

This is crosswalk etiquette on most military bases; with the exception of Lackland AFB IF you are marching a Flight of troops.  In the case of a marching a Flight of troops: the formation leader calls the formation to a halt, waits for traffic to clear, walks into the roadway to put all risk on themselves (versus the formation), calls the road-guards to post in a manner which ensures traffic remains stopped, marches the formation across the roadway, then calls in the road-guards.

This highly motivated, almost-graduated, basic trainee; stopped his family at the roadside (halt), walked to the center of the roadway, assumed the role of multiple road-guards and stopped traffic in both directions, then told his parents it was safe to cross. After they crossed, he scurried out of the crosswalk to rejoin his family.  I can't imagine what was going through his parents minds, but I'm sure they will now believe all of the Hollywood portrayals of how exceedingly regimented ALL military personnel are in ALL of their daily routines.

Tired of finding your goats lying on your doorstep exsanguinated? Concerned about your sheep being killed and their organs missing? Worried that your children are being stalked by a 3-foot tall, hairy predator with razor sharp teeth and the ability to elude authorities for eons?   Perhaps you should leave the Chupacabra problems to the experts.  The professionals at the Chupacabra Bait Company can provide you with the appropriate bait to catch your problem Chupacabra; or they can simply do the whole job for you.  Next time your Uncle Jeno is found slashed in the driver's seat without any traces of blood...make the call.  We're ready to believe you.  

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